Daddy Issues? #15 ‘Ohhh GOD… DADDY!’

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"A small sprout from the fog of childhood is adolescence and if you go beyond it only old age awaits" said a friend with whom one night we had a long talk before our pub The Bohemia He also said that rock is the only honest music and he will never grow old I didn't have any illusions about that either The guy had long shiny blonde hair but he died two years later because he was a big shot
"I loved you" I cried when my friends and I cried at the river where his ashes were scattered - You spoke the truth and left us in the shadows of existence
At that time I always carried a book of poems in my skirt waiting for the end to come
And then I turned 18 and I could have had a legal drink and then I realized I wanted to live Because I was a virgin but not just for this I didn't like men but I admitted I wanted them I didn't want a baby or a house but hiding in small apartments in the spring so romance and all that was in my vision But I knew I wouldn't stand a chance if I didn't quit smoking I didn't but I stopped drinking
I'm a small girl that boys always take care of Kissing is like eating to me but I didn't go there for too long Kissing is a sign of love and I've been handing it out listening to the rock and I haven't aged
I liked going to the endless fields Fanning my hair with the wind my body with the velvet tender light of the stars
My dad turned 50 my mom turned 45 and I thought they were getting wrinkly I didn't want to end up like that And then I read Lady Chatterley's mistress and she made my imagination run wild The world is a filthy place you have to get out of it But women today can't March I thought because in the wilderness there are no drugs to keep us well-groomed My period which by the way has been going on since I was 13 is an unsolvable problem there There's no powder no perfume no bathtub in the woods
However my best friend Esther and I went out on a windy April day to the locusts where a sympathetic woodcutter works who everyone in the room calls Brazilian
There was a gentle breeze over the border and we were singing We raised spiders grasshoppers little animals and we stroked everything We were talking about how beautiful nature is We used to pet each other but that's what young girls do
Brazil was a big brown-skinned bearded guy with a huge chainsaw and chains that used to tow the Acacia trunks sometimes to his tractor When I was a kid my dad used to bring me out here and point to Brazil and say:
- Girl take a good look at this animal Study or you'll be like this and you can put your fat ball holes in it he's hiding it so learn - she ended up blushing
I knew then that there was something wrong with my father that his words had no credibility with me so I did not learn and I began to feel that he was Brazilian and that he had touched something here in the woods
Now we both went to Brazil and said hello
- Hey Brazilian
The brown giant looked at us grinning with his yellowish-white teeth and rolled up on his deep baritone:
- Oh what beautiful girls It's Rozi isn't it? I remember you guys Since you were in diapers
I smiled and came closer
- Yeah Brazilian What do you make?
- Well I'll have to cut a lot of stumps And dig up the Earth so the bees can eat if Old Aunt Vilma lets them out But it's not urgent Let's sit down for a minute You want bacon?
We didn't ask but we settled down on a blanket I saw Brazil barely covering our slim jean-pants legs but it didn't bother me at all In fact   Hell he's a real man he's muscular and he smells like work
We talked about the weather the bees and Brazil had a few drinks and it got more and more liberating
The evening came the shadows thickened and the sweet smell of May's dusk covered everything
With years we would smile at each other and put our hands on each other's thighs Brazil was about to lose an eye and we giggled about it
After his fourth brandy in Brazil the silence quickly stopped and finally the man broke it in his sexy scorching voice of repressed anger
- Are you still virgins?
My girlfriend and I were blushing but we were getting desperate to touch each other
"Yes" I said
'I'll tell you a secret' said Brazilian and I thought I saw a bulge in his pants  You guys don't know much about sex about boys Hm But I did I've seen a lot of Crows on the stake I'm 42 and I've been across the border many times I've seen it - it stopped
- What Did you see Brazilian? "Eszter asked and his voice seemed to be hoarse I walked up to him and I saw his face was red My little girlfriend's turned on
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